Main Page
Essays/Responses
Reparations Info
Discussion Board
Who "We" Are
About The Web Site

One previous column of mine very easily could have come off wrong to some people. I hate being whiny, and I'm worried that that is what it sounded like. "I donwanna do this! It's no fun! Make it stop!" Well, yes that is how I feel, but not because it's something that I'm chained down by. I'm not chained down by anyone, and that is part of the point of why I do all of this is; that I'll never call myself a victim. But this isn't why I'm rehashing this topic; it is not because I want to moan and complain about how bad doing this is, oh woe is me.

The reason I'm bringing this up again is that rather than doing this web site, there is so much that I want to do instead. I see before us a boundless, unchartered territory for us to discover and experience, and yet instead of trying to go there, we're choosing to travel and the same tired old road over and over.

That really was the point of the previous column, but then, as now, I just don't think I did the importance of this idea justice. So I'd like to attempt to rectify that now, and to do that, I'd like to tell you about some friends of mine. Or rather, I'd like to tell you about us last night. We hung out together, like we often do, and things happened.

I'd like to give you just a partial itinerary of some of these things. What you read may seem vague, and you may not be sure what I'm getting at here just yet, but I ask you to trust me on this one. I think it will be worth the effort.

• A few of us spent an hour or so figuring out the relationships between certain mathematical constants and formulae, Einstein's theory of relativity, UNIX, the movie "Nick Of Time", media reporting, and country music, and were pretty well broken by the ideas we came up with.
• One person spent the weekend finally switching sides, being the guy creating a new work as opposed to being the one taking part in other people's creations. At the same time, one other type of work that he had been spending years creating for others, he got created for him, wanting it and getting it without asking for it. He finished the night in a fulfilled state of acceptance and appreciation.
• A few of us did an experiment revolving around how we view human communication, and whether or not we can apply a linear model to it. The initial results already suggest a lot of important theories regarding both the general principles, and the specific individuals who took part in this test.
• At least four people talked about major career changes that they have decided they have to pursue. In three of these cases, it was due to the person in question realizing that they had a calling that they could not ignore any further, and were diving into their dream despite incalculable odds against them.
• Many people heard music that they had never heard before; one of those people is someone who produces his own music, and enjoys learning from whatever new sounds he's exposed to. Many people also heard music that they knew, and made connections with others who also knew it. Still other people heard music that they were familiar with, but in forms that they weren't familiar with, usually to the great enjoyment of whoever was playing it. Ever hear Kansas done a capella?
• A whole lot of people met each other for the first time, or second or third, and you could see the new possibilities for these relationships blooming as they spoke. Some other people who had known each other for years managed to find even more faces of each other. People also were suggesting that their friends get in contact with other friends of theirs, since they have something in common.
• One good friend of mine had a particularly memorable night. He'd had it. He'd spent too much of life curled into a corner feeling himself already dead, and finally had enough. He declared himself alive, right here and now, and swore that he would leave his mark in the world if he had to dig his claws into the very earth itself. His eyes were pure fire. And in turn, I felt a great release, for I had seen that fire in him for years, and was waiting for it to finally come out. I think we all were.
• And there was the woman who got into a very bad situation, and in the process, identified at last exactly what it was that had been holding her back, and ranted her pretty self the most righteous rant against this disagreeable mindset that I have ever seen from anyone, on any topic. She identified the enemy on her radar, locked missiles, and destroyed it with extreme prejudice. It was a breathtaking display.
• As for myself, I took part in some of this, watched some of it from a distance, and felt the effects of some of it second-hand, often without my knowing it. I abandoned some old ideas, and gained some new ones. I identified some of my own problems, and further developed some of my strengths. I went into the evening as one person, and departed from it as another.

This may sound great (and whether or not I've done a good enough job of converying it to you or not, trust me, it is) but truth be told, this all isn't unusual. This is a normal night for this group of friends. This is what we all do every time we come together.

There was only one difference for me on this night. I often get a rant of my own in my head, but never have time to write it down. This night in particular I decided I had to finally make that a priority, and the result is what you are reading now. As a friend of mine said to me as he was looking over the first draft,

"That's what these nights are for."

And that is not only what these nights are for: for these people, this is what the very time of their lives is for (if I may be so bold as to try to guess how they feel about this, which I think I can do). It is about looking at where we are, figuring out where we want to go, and going there, with no excuses suffered about how we can't do it. It is about looking at the greater happiness that is out there, realizing that there is no reason at all why we cannot experience it, and then jumping and flying right towards it. It is, in short, to get in touch with the wonders in our reality that await us all.

I hope the point is starting to become clear.

We are right now spending time continuing to argue about something that happened so long ago, that there is not a single human being on the planet who experienced it: not one. We are deciding to dig out something that was not only buried years ago, but whose corpse has decayed so badly that there it's becoming harder to identify what it ever looked like. We are focusing on centuries gone past, and conning ourselves into believing that we need to do it to address the present. We are hitting the brakes, and preparing to drive backwards, against traffic.

We are choosing to regress.

I refuse to take part in this. I simply don't want it. What I want to do is more of the kind of stuff you've just read. I want to because I've experienced what it's like to let go of what you don't need, and surrender your ego to something greater than you, feeling within you and without you the sublime that, regardless of your religion, in some form or another is what you originally came from. I've felt the languid peace that comes from knowing you can safely drop your walls, and entertain no fear about what might happen to you. I've seen the aching relief in the faces of those around me as they successfully solve the problems that they've needed to. I have seen true smiles, true understanding, true advancement, true joy and true love, and I've seen it right here, in our time.

In short, I've seen how good this can all be. And I also know that the good I've seen is the tiniest grain of sand compared to the good I haven't seen. This goodness is real, it's available, and I want it now. I don't want to spend any more time on anything other than pursuing it with every trace of my energy.

This is why I'd rather not be involved with this project. as long as I'm doing it, I'm not doing what I really want. I'm not advancing: none of us are. At the same time, it's also why I feel I need to do this web site.

I don't know you, dear reader, so I can't know for certain your goals. But despite this handicap, I'm going to take a guess about you here, based on a lot of the statements I've read from reparations supporters.

If you are one of them, then I feel confident enough right now to make you a prediction. Whatever thing you think you're missing in your life that you're trying to gain, I will guarantee you that you will not find it in reparations. If you get it, you may initially think that your problems have been solved, but I promise that you will ultimately see that it was not on the road to what you wanted. Whatever you are trying to fix, however good it looks cosmetically, will remain just as broken after reparations as it was before, if not worse. They will solve nothing.

Because they won't, you will continue to reach for more to solve your problems, and it will probably involve more things that you believe other people "owe" you. You might get them. It won't matter. You won't be satisfied. You never will be.

That is why I am doing this. If we choose the philosophy of reparations supporters, this will never end. We will socially implode. We will ignore and let fester the things that we really need to work on if we want to have any chance to survive. We will turn away from the miraculous future that awaits us, and we will instead mope into a world where no problem is ever fully solved, where we let fade away the things that enrich us, while we cherish, hold onto and frame for our mantelpieces everything we don't like, so we can go home and stare at it. Forever.

I don't want that. I've seen the world that we're capable of making. It's a level of beautiful that spoken words are not equipped to describe. I want that world.

I spend time with the friends that I have because when we come together, we scrape the shores of that world for a short time. That goes especially for when I spend time with that one woman I mentioned above. She is my wife. I married her because she's also seen that world, and wants it just as badly as I do.

When I'm not with them, I spend part of my time on this web site. For even if I can't spend every moment of my days right now pursuing that light, I'll be damned if I'm going to in any way, through my money or otherwise, support any way of thinking that keeps us from it, that doesn't even seem to know it's there. It's there, it's real, it's good, and I want it.

That is why I don't want to do this site, but why, until enough people also see all of this, I will.